How To Manage An Unhealthy Partner

June 7, 2022

Maybe you and your partner started with similar fitness, eating habits and goals. Then as life happened, you kept up your good habits and a healthy diet while your partner let him or herself go. You used to love grocery shopping together, but now you feel frustrated whenever your partner reaches for the cookies instead of selecting fresh produce. Jill Weber, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and author and she offers tips on how to best handle this situation.

Make An Effort To Not Be Too Controlling

Although it might be tempting to start lecturing and nagging your partner, those strategies tend to backfire and result in some push-back. Instead, try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and treat them they way you would want to be treated. It is important for yourself to not hold all your frustrations in, but to always be respectful when holding conversations with your partner. Talk to them rationally about their goals, keeping in mind, you may not necessarily have the same goals, and that is okay because they are not the exact same person as you. Dr. Weber suggests saying something like, “I can tell it bothers you. You’ve talked about wanting to get fit, so have you made any goals around that?”

Ease Up On The Judgments

Naturally, you might find yourself being judgmental over your partner’s fitness and menu choices. They may also tend to affect you too. When in a negative frame of mind, it is easier to develop tunnel vision and start hyper-focusing on the things that are bothering you. When this happens, take a step back and look at the bigger picture of your relationship. A large part of being in a relationship is acceptance. Everyone wants to be accepted with all their imperfections, including your partner. Being negative will likely bring you a negative response so it is not an effective way to help your partner change.

Compromise When Making Meal Choices

Many couples experience different dietary requirements due to differing tastes or allergies. If you and your partner are experiencing conflict over what types of foods to eat and avoid, try having a mature conversation about it and make the effort to meet somewhere in the middle. Compromise is essential in all relationships, and no one should be left feeling as though they are making all the sacrifice all the time. When planning meals together try incorporating something your partner likes but also ask your partner to accept something you like. For example, use the rich gravy but skip on the dairy. Dr. Weber suggests, “It’s good to start with validating what they like before trying to control it.” This strategy will help create a win-win situation at the dining table.

Make Fitness Fun For Both Of You

Some people love going to the gym while others prefer to go bike riding outside. Find out about your partner’s fitness likes and dislikes and brainstorm fitness activities you can do together. Having a fitness regimen does not necessarily mean doing the same exercise routine over and over again. Incorporate fun activities that help the time pass by faster for your partner and get your heart pumping and make you break out in a sweat. You may even find you enjoy the new physical activities that your partner suggests. Part of the beauty of being a couple is that you can gain a new perspective, and hence new experiences, all the time. (Sometimes this requires extra brainstorming!)

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