How To Deal With A Workplace Bully
In many minds, bullies are generally reserved for the schoolyard, often taking the role of the bigger kid who has a physical advantage over other children, using it to torment them. The reality is the bullying problem lingers well beyond childhood and often rears its ugly head in the workplace, where schoolyard dynamics tend to reappear. As children, our options for dealing with bullies are limited by both our age and our inability to comprehend the situation, among other factors. As an adult coping with bullying, the situation becomes, almost nonsensically, more ambiguous. What are we to do when we are the victims of bullying in the workplace? Where is the line drawn?
Set Limits On What You Will Tolerate
The first step in combating the bully begins within. It's up to you to set your boundaries. If you fail to do this, you create a situation cloaked in ambiguity. If a clear line isn't drawn, you'll never know when it's crossed, which will cause you grief down the road. By setting a clear boundary and making what it is clear to the aggressor, you are removing any possible vagueness that could seep into your interactions. You need to ask questions like, “how far is too far?”, and “when exactly does this become bullying?”
Perimeters need to be identified first to fix any problem; the playing field needs to be clearly marked, and the lines noted. This goes for all the players. If the rules are never clarified, how will anyone know whether the rules are being broken or not? If your boundaries are made clear to all of your colleagues, and then those boundaries are crossed, the aggressor is clearly in the wrong and won't have the luxury of hiding behind a facade of ambiguity or ignorance.
Confront The Bully About Their Behavior
After you've set limits on what you will tolerate from the bully and if they persist bullying you, the ball is back in your court. It becomes your responsibility to confront the bully about their behavior, which is easier said than done. After all, if every person ever tormented by a bully had the courage and the willpower handy to confront them, bullying would barely be an issue. The importance of confronting the bully can't be overstated.
There isn't really a choice if you consider it. What can you do? You can be passive, or you can confront. Passivity conveys to the bully you are indeed a qualified target for their abuse. Confronting the bully about their behavior shows them that not only do you have clear boundaries, but you are also willing to stand up to defend them. The truth is most bullies, after being confronted, will back off, as they generally feed on the helplessness of their victims. If the helplessness isn't there, and their bullying is instead met with assertiveness, most bullies will lose the will to continue.
