How To Deal With A Narcissist: Everything You Need to Know
Dealing with an individual with a narcissistic personality disorder is difficult. Even if someone doesn't have an official diagnosis, they can still have narcissistic traits that can be challenging to any relationship. Whether it is a spouse or a child, it does not matter, as the self-absorbed nature of this individual makes it extremely difficult for them to see things through another person's eyes. They may exaggerate their talents, only want to socialize with individuals they perceive to be at the same caliber, make others feel inferior in their presence, and have a high sense of self-worth. The goal is to stay positive and understand their minds do not think the way many others do. True, everyone has some narcissistic tendencies, but narcissists tend to take it to the extreme.
Your Outlook Matters
When someone is putting you down or making you feel inferior, it is hard to keep a positive attitude. However, it might be helpful to remind yourself that a narcissistic brain is not wired in the same as a typical brain. Their high sense of self-worth is not meant to put you down but is typically meant to compensate for their low self-esteem. Ever hear the saying 'There is a fine line between love and hate?' Many narcissists tend to have a poor self-image and puff themselves up by making others feel less than. Maintaining a positive attitude can be increasingly challenging in times like this. You may instead lean toward showing anger in ways that are not healthy, both for you and the other person. While it may feel like you are going through too many emotional highs and lows simply by association with a narcissist, there are always avenues to help yourself deal in healthier ways.
Express Your Feelings Authentically
Begin by acknowledging your feelings. While you may feel that you’re rightly deserving of an emotional response to narcissistic behavior, it might be better to speak about it in a calm, gentle manner. In case you feel that boundaries were breached, speak up. At times, completely ignoring or simply walking away is also an appropriate response. But you may need to evaluate what response would work best. For instance, if it is a romantic partner that is engaging in such behavior, you might want to gently but firmly explain what about their conduct hurt or upset you. Conversely, it might be prudent to adopt a different strategy while dealing with a boss or a co-worker. As important as it is to speak up, it might be helpful to remember that anyone with narcissistic tendencies will find it challenging to empathize with you or acknowledge your feelings. If that happens, here’s what you can do.
Set Firm Boundaries
To ensure that you don’t get swept up in the chaos of narcissistic behavior, it's important to set some firm boundaries. Don't let the other person cross these boundaries. Setting boundaries can be difficult, particularly if the other person does not respect them. But they're an essential part of healthy relationships. You need to be able to firmly say 'no.' If need be, sit down with a pen and paper and physically write a list of your boundaries. Boundaries include things you won't do, the amount of time you're willing to spend on any one person per day, the amount of time you're taking for self-care rather than helping others, and the kind of behavior, in general, you won't tolerate or consider to be out of line. Practice saying no firmly when someone crosses these boundaries. If the narcissist attempts to violate your established boundaries, shut them down and remove yourself from the situation. You need to have the ability to say no so you don't end up constantly being swept up by the chaos they cause.
Identify Reasons for Narcissistic Behavior
It's crucial to understand that while this behavior has nothing to do with you more often than not, you may observe it and try to deal with it better. It is popularly believed that narcissism can originate genetically, from poor parenting, or a reduced area of cortical thickness in the brain. So, while nurture plays a key role in the ways we grow, the likelihood of narcissism being passed down from a parent or other relative is still entirely possible. In addition, if the child was left to their own devices growing up, overpraised as a young one, or had a parent that was largely absent from their lives, their self-esteem is likely to have suffered significantly. While there are several factors involved in the manifestation of narcissism in a person, this condition can also be a defect in the cortical area of the brain, which is the section of the brain that causes social and emotional regulation. When the brain is afflicted as such, the emotional and social triggers are all out of whack. So, the next time you are dealing with a narcissist and their behavior causes you to feel like you are at the center of all the chaos, remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you and they probably need help to overcome their condition.
How to Identify a Covert Narcissist
Covert narcissists are often harder to spot because they present with a façade of humility or introversion. Unlike overt narcissists, they don’t openly seek the spotlight but can be just as manipulative and self-centered. They often exhibit false modesty, downplaying their achievements or engaging in humble-bragging, which is designed to elicit praise. Covert narcissists also have a victim mentality, frequently blaming others for their problems, which shifts responsibility away from their actions and garners sympathy. They tend to use passive-aggressive behavior, such as giving the silent treatment or offering backhanded compliments, as a way to assert control without open confrontation.
Check In with Yourself
Dealing with any personality disorder or other mental illnesses, including with narcissism, is a task that you may rightly find daunting. While counseling is a good resource to make use of, it helps to add a support group to the mix. The manipulative behavior your loved one uses has been learned over a long period and it may be difficult for them to unlearn it after such a degree of conditioning. But that does not mean that you simply must suffer through it. A support group—either in-person or online—can be the very thing that helps you get to a better place. Not only that, having access to a support group may also help you better navigate situations while dealing with a narcissist.
Put Yourself in the Path of Joy
Every human being needs attention and connection to thrive. It is natural to want to focus on yourself and have those you care about also care about you in return. Where narcissists run into trouble is with reciprocal attention. They tend to feel the need to have everyone's attention on them constantly without paying attention to others themselves. Such attempts to seek attention may become increasingly desperate and disruptive if they aren't given an immediate response. It might feel counter-intuitive but the best way to deal with disruptive attention-seeking is by not focusing on it. If a narcissist is making inflammatory remarks merely to invoke a strong reaction, choose to respond with a succinct and unemotional response like, "Okay," and move on without further discussion. If they're interrupting others and trying to derail conversations, it might be best to ignore them entirely and find a space away from their constant disruptions. It is important that you center yourself and do things that bring you joy. Even simple habits like journaling about your feelings can go a long way in helping you cope in ways that are both healthy and sustainable.
Yes to Action, No to Empty Promises
As it often happens, you might not be able to cut ties with a narcissistic person if they are at your workplace or a family member. As hard as it is to deal with narcissistic behavior, it is infinitely more difficult to deal with it when it’s coming from someone you have to remain in constant contact with. However, you can point out their negative tendencies and conduct and ask for action instead of promises with clarity. Narcissists tend to be very manipulative and charming, but they also rarely find time to engage in selfless acts for others. If a narcissist wants to continue benefiting from your relationship, they may promise you things with no intention of delivering. For instance, if you ask them to put more work into the relationship, they may apologize and promise they'll do better in the future. But rather than accept the promise as a sign of their commitment to change for the better, make sure that they in fact follow through on their promises with decisive action. It is important to let them know that you are more interested in their actions in the aftermath of the behavior instead of constant apologies and empty promises.
How to Understand Narcissism in the Era of Social Media
With the rise of social media, narcissistic behaviors have found new platforms for expression. On platforms like Instagram and TikTok, certain trends glorify self-centeredness, with some profiles even celebrating narcissistic traits as admirable. However, there is a parallel trend in place where experts decode narcissistic behaviors and explain how and why they may be manifesting in an individual's behavior—in both personal or professional relationships. However, tagging popular profiles like those of influencers or celebrities known for self-promotion can also highlight how social media amplifies narcissistic tendencies in users that are chronically engaging with it. The quest for likes, followers, and validation can exacerbate these behaviors because the social media environment typically rewards attention-seeking and superficial interactions. This is particularly true of younger users, who may not fully understand issues like narcissism or obsession that come with uninterrupted engagement. It is then important to have a few practices at hand that help you cope with these behaviors. For instance, if your child is exhibiting narcissistic behaviors, it might be helpful to get them to see why you are concerned. If you feel like it's difficult to get your point across to them, seek expert guidance. But make sure that you do address these tendencies as soon as possible.
Spotting the Signs of Narcissism Through Body Language
Understanding body language can be an insightful tool when dealing with narcissistic individuals. Some social media profiles dedicated to psychology and behavioral analysis offer tips on recognizing narcissistic traits through body language. For instance, frequent self-touching, dominating physical space, or excessive eye contact can signal a need for control and attention. Narcissism is a tendency we all possess but it is important to remember that not every act needs to be subjected to undue scrutiny in an effort to prove that someone may have a personality disorder. If you have queries or concerns about it, ensure that you first seek professional opinion before reaching any conclusions on your own.
The Rise of Psychology as a Trend on Social Media
The increasing popularity of psychology content on platforms like Instagram and YouTube has made understanding narcissism more accessible to the general public. Several profiles share bite-sized insights on personality disorders, including NPD, helping followers recognize these traits in their lives. This rise in accessible psychological content empowers people to identify and manage narcissistic behaviors in their relationships. If you are unsure about seeking professional help to begin with, consider referring to online content like this which might be helpful in understanding and equipping yourself with the knowledge of behaviors such as narcissism and how to cope with them in ways that are both healthy and sustainable.
The Fine Line Between Confidence and Narcissism
Confidence and narcissism are often mistaken for each other, but they are fundamentally different. Confidence is believed to be rooted in self-assurance and a healthy sense of self, whereas narcissism stems from insecurity and a constant need for external validation. Confident individuals are comfortable in their own skin and don’t need to exaggerate their achievements or constantly seek approval from others. They are supportive, genuinely happy for others’ successes, and do not view relationships as a competition. Confident people engage in conversations by listening actively and valuing others’ perspectives, unlike narcissists who tend to dominate discussions and steer them back to themselves. It is also good to remember, however, that we might not want to consider this as a binary distinction between traits like narcissism and confidence. We are complex beings and many of us may not necessarily be narcissists, even though we may possess narcissistic traits.
Case Study: Narcissism in the Depp-Heard Trial
The highly publicized Depp-Heard defamation trial brought discussions of narcissism to the forefront, as the world witnessed both parties accuse each other of manipulative and self-centered behaviors during their turbulent marriage. This case serves as a real-world example of how narcissistic traits can escalate conflicts and complicate relationships. Narcissism, whether diagnosed or not, affects not just the individuals involved but also their wider social circles. In this case, the key takeaway is that while dealing with a narcissist, it is important to practice healthy boundaries, self-care, and realistic expectations. While you may struggle with it initially, it will eventually get better. If, however, you find yourself unable to find a way to cope, it might be best to seek professional help.
Know When to Walk Away
When dealing with a narcissist, it's crucial to know when to walk away. This includes both walking away from conversations and walking away from relationships entirely. It's important not to pour endless time and energy into a relationship that doesn't benefit you and turns out to be draining in reality. If a narcissist is demanding too much from you, seeking undue attention, or acting toxic, it's time for the conversation to stop. The more attention and energy you spend on them, the more you validate and give them what they want. Similarly, any relationship you have should be mutually meaningful, whether that relationship is romantic, a friendship, a familial bond, or working with a colleague. In some cases, like with work or family, you may not be able to cut a toxic narcissist out of your life entirely. But you should learn to limit interactions with them and be aware of how much you're getting from the relationship.
Rebuilding After a Narcissistic Relationship
Ending a relationship with a narcissist can leave you feeling drained, confused, and questioning your self-worth. The aftermath often involves piecing yourself back together and reclaiming your sense of identity. It's important to allow yourself time to heal and process the range of emotions you may be experiencing, from anger to sadness. Don’t rush this process; instead, give yourself permission to grieve and make sense of your feelings through journaling or talking to a trusted friend or therapist. Rediscovering your sense of self is another crucial step. Narcissistic relationships often overshadow your own needs and interests, so take time to reconnect with the activities and hobbies that bring you joy. This can be a powerful way to remind yourself of who you are, and always were, outside of the relationship.