How To Deal With A Workplace Bully

In many minds, bullies are generally reserved for the schoolyard, often taking the role of the bigger kid who has a physical advantage over other children, using it to torment them. The reality is the bullying problem lingers well beyond childhood and often rears its ugly head in the workplace, where schoolyard dynamics tend to reappear. As children, our options for dealing with bullies are limited by both our age and our inability to comprehend the situation, among other factors. As an adult coping with bullying, the situation becomes, almost nonsensically, more ambiguous. What are we to do when we are the victims of bullying in the workplace? Where is the line drawn?

Set Limits On What You Will Tolerate

The first step in combating the bully begins within. It's up to you to set your boundaries. If you fail to do this, you create a situation cloaked in ambiguity. If a clear line isn't drawn, you'll never know when it's crossed, which will cause you grief down the road. By setting a clear boundary and making what it is clear to the aggressor, you are removing any possible vagueness that could seep into your interactions. You need to ask questions like, “how far is too far?”, and “when exactly does this become bullying?”

Perimeters need to be identified first to fix any problem; the playing field needs to be clearly marked, and the lines noted. This goes for all the players. If the rules are never clarified, how will anyone know whether the rules are being broken or not? If your boundaries are made clear to all of your colleagues, and then those boundaries are crossed, the aggressor is clearly in the wrong and won't have the luxury of hiding behind a facade of ambiguity or ignorance.

Confront The Bully About Their Behavior

After you've set limits on what you will tolerate from the bully and if they persist bullying you, the ball is back in your court. It becomes your responsibility to confront the bully about their behavior, which is easier said than done. After all, if every person ever tormented by a bully had the courage and the willpower handy to confront them, bullying would barely be an issue. The importance of confronting the bully can't be overstated.

There isn't really a choice if you consider it. What can you do? You can be passive, or you can confront. Passivity conveys to the bully you are indeed a qualified target for their abuse. Confronting the bully about their behavior shows them that not only do you have clear boundaries, but you are also willing to stand up to defend them. The truth is most bullies, after being confronted, will back off, as they generally feed on the helplessness of their victims. If the helplessness isn't there, and their bullying is instead met with assertiveness, most bullies will lose the will to continue.

Document The Bully's Actions

From the moment you find yourself on the receiving end of workplace bullying, it is your prerogative to document the bully's actions. This goes for any misconduct you encounter in the workplace. Precise records of what is said, including the date and time, are necessary if the situation escalates and a third party is called in to mediate. By making records of these occurrences, you are providing yourself with itemized, meticulously gathered proof that will work to your credit. Documenting the bullying also shows you are serious about this and you are not willing to neglect what has happened.

Let's use the example that the bullying situation has escalated and involved your manager. When questioned about what precisely the bully has done, you'll be able to provide an explicit account of every act of aggression on the part of the bully, which immediately removes any potentially held suspicion on the part of the manager. It also sends the bully a clear message that their actions have seriously bothered you and you are not willing to easily let it go.

Talk To Your Coworkers/Get Witnesses

This step would ideally be combined with the previous one. If a bully is tormenting you at work, chances are you aren't the only one. Simply asking your coworkers if they have also been victims or if they have witnessed any bullying can be a great benefit for you. For instance, if you find one of your coworkers is also the subject of abuse, you may decide to jointly confront the bully.

Chances are, however, if your coworker was indeed bullied, and has kept it quiet all along, they have no interest in confronting the bully. But by standing with them, you may finally give them the strength to stand up against the bully once and for all. Even if you are the only one in your workplace who is the subject of the bullying, it is important to talk with your coworkers to, at the very least, provide yourself with credible witnesses. Don't be afraid to talk to your coworkers.

Report Their Behavior To HR Or Management

After setting your boundaries, confronting the bully, documenting their actions, and talking to your coworkers, if you seem to be at the end of your rope, the next step is obvious. You need to report their behavior to human resources or management, in a final effort to put this situation to an end. If you have followed the previous steps properly, you should be well-prepared when the time finally comes to speak to your manager or human resources. You will be able to provide a list of specific instances of bullying, and you will more than likely have some of your coworkers on your side, willing to vouch for you and reaffirm your assertion. This will likely be the last action you need to take and should bring an end to the cycle of bullying in your workplace.